man's search for meaning

why do i often blog in the early hours of the morning? maybe it's because i am a college student. maybe it's because i need a break from my paper that i am writing {yes, its due tomorrow}. maybe it's because it's when my best thoughts come to me. or maybe it's because this is the only time my internet will work in my apartment complex {frustration beyond belief is behind that statement}.

whatever the reason... i enjoy the time i get to reflect.

so i just finished the book "A Man's Search for Meaning" and if you haven't read it... i suggest you get on that. it will make you ponder & think about the true meaning of your existence & what drives you to do the things that you do. it's written by this psychiatrist Viktor Frankl that survives four concentration camps and shares his psychological views & experiences within the camp. let me just give you some of my favorite quotes of the book to give you an idea on how deep & inspiring it truly is.

• "We who lived in the concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
• "If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering... without suffering and death human life cannot be complete"
• "But there is no need to be ashamed of tears; for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, courage to suffer."
• "Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated."
• "Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him."
• "He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How."

and to think... those are just a couple. really makes you think doesn't it? i've found the meaning for my life... 

have you?

december first

this day is quite significant i suppose. it means one more month has come and gone. its the start of the month where we celebrate the birth of our lord & savoir, jesus christ. it is the month where my best friend & roommate leaves to serve a mission in chile. it marks four months down for steven. exactly twenty more months to go {this means 608 days left}. & it is the very last month of the year 2012.

this is the last month where everything will be the same. starting in january, my life is going to change dramatically. i won't have my three very best friends to turn to whenever i need them. one will be in the mtc. one will be back home in chicago. & thank goodness one of them will only be thirty minutes away but still its not the same as just a holler across the apartment hallway. i want to savor every moment that i have with them. its the last time we will all be together for at least 22 months. sometimes i can't help but to be overwhelmed with sadness. & feel as though i'm being left behind... i just have to remind myself i have important work to do here too. {plus: who can be sad in december? it might very well be my favorite month}

so in this month i will be... making memories and cherishing the old. saying "see you later" to my best friend. celebrating the eternal marriage of my brother. enjoying spending time with my lovingly family. rejoicing in the birth of my christ. & counting down to a brand new year with unknown adventures on the horizon.

a day of thanks.

wow. i have so many things to be grateful for. my heavenly father blessed me with an amazing life. really i {should} never have any complaints. a family that loves me. the true gospel with a living prophet. supportive friends that are always there for me. a loving missionary that makes me smile even thousands of miles away. several places that i can call "home". my great health. a great university where i can learn & develop. modern-day conveniences. my talents and abilities. & etc etc. those are some terrific blessings that often times i take for-granted.
so my goal: to live each day in thanksgiving for something i have in my life. take even 30 seconds to acknowledge & truly appreciate whatever that may be.

here's a few pictures from the family walk that we took on our day of thanks:

Kipton is just the cutest thing thing ever. he is getting so big 

just playing around at the park

my family is the greatest. i am so grateful for them. 

Congrats shay!

i have neglected to post about my dear friend and roommate, shaylee, on getting her mission call. last friday she opened that big white envelope and was shocked to be called to serve in.... Hong Kong, China! i am so excited for her and incredibly honored that she invited me to watch her open her call. her reaction was really priceless. you can view her thoughts and watch her video here! do it. 

congrats shay. i know you will do amazing things in china and really learn to love the people there. the lord will bless you for all your sacrifices. i am so beyond blessed to have a best friend like you to look up to all the time! i love you!

The snow has come!

snow. snow. snow!

so for an arizona girl.... this is a big deal. last winter in utah {from what my roommates have told me} was very mild and more like fall. {what???} so what people are trying to say is it gets colder? with more snow? yes. that's exactly what they are trying to say. & it manifested itself this past weekend.

three best friends loving the snow together. i love this picture.

roommates (& mogan who is missing here)

erin, megan, and meghan came to visit in utah this weekend and they froze their butts offfff!! brrrr....

but i had the best time with them & so grateful they stayed with me! :)

erin is going to have to get used to this snowy weather since she will be moving up here and being roommates with me next semester in january! can't wait... well now off to class & then studying! but... i am finished with anatomy lab!! my final was yesterday & its never felt so good to be done. 

p.s. 39 days till christmas... im excited!

happy hundred days

hundred days down. six hundred thirty to go.

okay so i know it's not that monumental. but its my first mile-stone day. so let me have a reason to celebrate deal? so it's really strange.. sometimes i feel like the past three months dragged on.... & i thought to myself "two years is never going to come, just stop your count downs". & then sometimes i reflected back on the months and it seemed like summer was just last week {the whiteness of my skin would like to suggest otherwise however}.  so did they go by fast? yes and no. i feel like i just meet him & fell in love but then.... i feel as though its been forever since i've been in his arms. oh the joys of missionaries. {so that sounded sarcastic but actually there are a lot of joys} let me share with you what i have learned the last three months:

• writing letters is a stress reliever
• receiving letters is like being given a new shiny present every week
• i am really good at making packages {yes, i am tooting my own horn right now}
• pictures mean soooo much when you don't get to see the person you love everyday
• words are powerful & meaningful 
• surprise packages makes that day seem like it suddenly has a heavenly golden glow about it
• & christmas has an extra excitement added to it :) :) 

but maybe the most important thing i still know to be true is this: i love this boy & i love the joy that he brings to me everyday even when he is over two thousand miles away. happy hundredth everyone! do something to celebrate... i give you permission.

late night thoughts

well, clearly school has been taking up way too much of my time recently. and honestly, i feel like so much has changed in my life in just these short couple of months that have passed. where do i start?

missions. its been the topic of discussion for many weeks now. well, at least at byu campus. it was like a huge shock went though the lds community. soo... to answer those of you who are wondering...{you might be shocked} no, i am not going on a mission. why? its never been in my plan. and at this point in my life, i honestly feel like completing my education and getting a degree is what is most important. i feel good about my decision. yes, three of my best friends/roommates are going. my roomie, morgan, has her call and is called to serve in the chile, concepcion south mission. she reports to the mtc decemeber 19th. wow. fast huh? i am going to miss her bunches but she is going to spread the gospel to those wonderful people of chile (and trust me, they don't know how lucky they are...yet). shaylee just got her papers turned in yesterday! hooray! i can't wait to see where she goes. and haley is planning on starting her papers very soon.

so let's be honest.. ya? i am so extremely proud and excited for these three ladies that i love dearly to be serving the lord for eighteen months. but {this is where the honesty comes in}that doesn't mean my heart isn't totally breaking. seeing steven leave to go on a two year mission was hard enough. after i spent an amazing summer with this boy and practically spent all day, everyday with him, it was heartbreaking to see him leave. i didn't know saying goodbye was going to be that hard. and now.... all my best friends are leaving too? just rip my heart why don't ya! its true, a part of me will be missing until all those i love will be back... but. i realized that the lord needs those i love more than i do at this time. the work of the lord needs to go forth. and let me tell you... it's going forth in full force with all these sister missionaries storming the field!

so congrats, morg, haley, and shay. i love you more than anything and i am over-joyed with your decision to sacrifice eighteen months of your lives and give it over to the lord. you are truly needed where the lord asks you to serve and i can't wait for each of you to discover why. each one of you are an example of righteousness and obedience to me everyday. i feel so extremely blessed to call you my best friends and roommates. in the past year and half you have helped me grow, mature, learn, and become a better person. you have been my shoulders to cry on, my support team, my counselors, my partners in crime, my goofy best friends and my family here at college. now, i can't imagine my life without you three. how did i get along before you were there? thank you for all that you have done and continue to do for me. i love you. let the letters begin. {the post office will learn to love me}

is it pathetic that i am bawling like a baby now? probably. but everyone should know that i am emotional by now. so although this past month has been difficult, long, and sometimes depressing.... i finally feel content with life. i don't know everything that is going to happen in the future. i don't have everything figured out {like i usually do}. each day brings surprises. sometimes bad things happen. sometimes i break down and cry. sometimes people hurt my feelings. sometimes i get a bad grade. sometimes it's too cold here and i miss my az sunshine. sometimes i miss my family a lot. and sometimes i miss steven so much my heart aches. but everything is going to be okay. life throws you some crazy turns and obstacles but in the end, you get through them and come out stronger. so continue onward with a smile on your face and think of all the blessings you have. all the people that love you. and how much heavenly father wants you to succeed. life is good.

life update

i think i need to make a goal to write in my blog more often. i haven't been too good at it lately. so lets go through a few updates on my life. ya?

• summer is over and my tan is fading :(
• my missionary has left. 36 days down. 
• i am back in provo with my girls.
• i have two new roommates (jen and amberly).
• classes at BYU have begun (i am in love with my ASL class)
• i hiked Mt. Timpanogos on monday... thats around 16 mile hike for those of you who don't know (ya it was the hardest thing).
• i really miss Elder Stapley. 

so now you know it all. my life in 7 bullet points. haha okay... so there may be a little more to me than that, but that is the gist of it. sometimes days go by so slow and i wish i was back in gilbert with my family and my mom to cook me meals when i am lazy and don't want to do anything. but other times i couldn't be happier with my best friends, who make me laugh harder than anyone, and enjoying the freedom of living on my own.  But for now... life is good and everyday is a new adventure!

Yay reunited! love these girls with my whole heart!

first day of school!

i love this quote!

summer lovin'.

so.... i haven't written in my blog for over 2 months... for those of you who follow me at all...i apologize. i just have been having way too much fun! no really. you are probably thinking "i have had the best summer ever, better than hers" nope, sorry. you are wrong. i really don't want it to come to an end.. well mostly i just don't want my boy to leave {sigh}.

so here is what i have been up to.....

working. can i even call it that? i LOVE my job.

love these guys i work with

Zombie picture day at the pool

lifeguards are crazy

spending time with this guy at work :)

family time. what is better?

my birthday and this cute guy 

fathers day

fourth of july at the dbacks game

he is so stinkin cute

friends. i love em.

always the besties 

shopping with kylie

Lisa's baptism 

Lifeguard Olympics 

Sushi time with erin

my birthday. yay i am 19

surprise party from kylie with a surprise bunny!!

lots of good eats with the day ending with presents and the bachelorette

steven. this boy... <3 i am so blessed to have met him

we love monopoly deal

sparks fly :)

moviess

baseball game

sleeping. 

he gives me roses.. i love it

who knew mint chocolate chip oatmeal cookies were his weakness??

his first pedicure!!

we usually go through a lot of silly before we get serious. i love him

i just got back from an awesome cruise with my family... i will be sure to make a new post about that shortly.... my free time is about to greatly increase as Steven is leaving in just one day for his mission :( im sure i will post a lot about that too...